Customer: |
"I've been calling 700-1000 for two days and can't get through; can you help?" |
| Operator: |
"Where did you get that number, sir?" |
| Customer: |
"It's on the door of your business." |
| Operator: |
"Sir, those are the hours that we are open." |
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| Caller: |
"Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?" |
| Operator: |
"I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about." |
| Caller: |
"On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?" |
| Operator: |
"I think it means the telephone plug on the wall." |
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| Caller: |
"Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am traveling in Australia?" |
| Operator: |
"Does the product name give you a clue?" |
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| Caller: |
"If I register my car in France, and then take it to England, do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?" |
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| Caller: |
"I'd like the number of the Argo Fish Bar, please" |
| Operator: |
"I'm sorry, there's no listing. Are you sure that the spelling is correct?" |
| Caller: |
"Well, it used to be called the Bargo Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off the sign." |
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| Operator: |
"Woven? Are you sure?" |
| Caller: |
"Yes. That's what it says on the label -- Woven in Scotland." |
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A man, making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box, told a worried operator . . . |
| Caller: |
"I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on." |
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| Tech Support: |
"I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop." |
| Customer: |
"OK." |
| Tech Support: |
"Did you get a pop-up menu?" |
| Customer: |
"No." |
| Tech Support: |
"OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?" |
| Customer: |
"No." |
| Tech Support: |
"OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?" |
| Customer: |
"Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'." |
| Tech Support: |
"OK. At the bottom left hand side of your screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?" |
| Customer: |
"Wow! How can you see my screen from there?" |
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| Caller: |
"I deleted a file from my PC last week and I just realized that I need it. So, if I turn my system clock back two weeks will I get my file back again?" |
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| Operator: |
"Ridge, computer assistance; may I help you?" |
| Caller: |
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect." |
| Operator: |
"What sort of trouble??" |
| Caller: |
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away." |
| Operator: |
"Went away?" |
| Caller: |
"They disappeared" |
| Operator: |
"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?" |
| Caller: |
"Nothing." |
| Operator: |
"Nothing??" |
| Caller: |
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type." |
| Operator: |
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??" |
| Caller: |
"How do I tell?" |
| Operator: |
"Can you see the 'C: prompt' on the screen??" |
| Caller: |
"What's a sea-prompt?" |
| Operator: |
"Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?" |
| Caller: |
"There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't accept anything I type." |
| Operator: |
"Does your monitor have a power indicator??" |
| Caller: |
"What's a monitor?" |
| Operator: |
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when its on? |
| Caller: |
"I don't know." |
| Operator: |
"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?" |
| Caller: |
"Yes, I think so." |
| Operator: |
"Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall. |
| Caller: |
"Yes, it is." |
| Operator: |
"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?" |
| Caller: |
"No." |
| Operator: |
"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable." |
| Caller: |
"Okay, here it is." |
| Operator: |
"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer." |
| Caller: |
"I can't reach." |
| Operator: |
"OK. Well, can you see if it is??" |
| Caller: |
"No." |
| Operator: |
"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??" |
| Caller: |
"Well, it's not because I don't have the right angle -- it's because it's dark." |
| Operator: |
"Dark??" |
| Caller: |
"Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window." |
| Operator: |
"Well, turn on the office light then." |
| Caller: |
"I can't." |
| Operator: |
"No? Why not??" |
| Caller: |
"Because there's a power failure." |
| Operator: |
"A power .... A power failure? Aha. Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff that your computer came in??" |
| Caller: |
"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet." |
| Operator: |
"Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from." |
| Caller: |
"Really? Is it that bad?" |
| Operator: |
"Yes, I'm afraid it is." |
| Caller: |
"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?" |
| Operator: |
"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer!" |
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